Ethical Perplexities!

Lolling under the dark skies counting the birds that queued up on the electric wire above my head, I began to think in ways I have never thought before. All the conspicuous errors in judgement and the moral high ground that I assumed I always adopted came back rushing to me. Sometimes, simple discussions can trigger a whirlwind of emotions and today, for me it was so much more than that.

It was a demolition of my ideologies, of my practices, of my beliefs and almost everything I perceived to be right. Do I have the courage it takes to make an ethical decision when I am presented with one? Do I have what it takes to be honest? I couldn't help but sit down and pen these thoughts that have been playing around in my head since a one hour lecture on ethical decision making. Coming to think of it, I cannot think of the last ethical decision i made and I am appalled by the fact that I haven't taken the time to sit and pursue the consequences of decisions I have taken.

Am I supposed to feel bad? Am I supposed to be feeling guilty for not experiencing a sense of ownership for a few decisions I have taken?

I am filled with questions that I cannot seem to find answers anywhere and while I have taken counsel and received advice to look within myself, it doesn't seem to work.

All I can account for right now is a sense of guilt for the times I wasn't ethical and for the times I remained a mere observer of several unethical practices.

In fact, do all humans have unbiased ethical radar in their heads and does it work?

If it does, why are there corrupt journalists, why are there incompetent medical practitioners and why are there leaders that can neither lead nor be led. 

If this is the up side of having developing a radar of right and wrong, I'd rather not. While I do understand that it's gruelling to create a black & white picture of all circumstances, I'd like to know that I have a blue or a red or a green side to fall back upon without experiencing culpability of any kind. 

Today, I have been presented with cases and instances where integrity and honesty and accountability were all abstaining from situations that should have been led by them.

At such a time, do I need a self-check?  When the world is now a mere comedy of errors, is it still worth bringing out the ethical practices that we buried deep within us ages ago. 

While, I am still wondering if I should open the Pandora's box that I believe is inherent within me or just cross the river when it comes, I've decided to now settle for another class on community media. Funny, how some discourses can get you thinking! Like never before!